Professional Eavesdropping

[Breaking news on Contramental]

Just was part of an analyst conference call and being the profession that I am in, there is just one thing doing the round these days. Who will own the cutest puppy of India!

So here goes the minutes of the conversation, a tale of maudlin emotion, vendetta and jingoism. India’s time has arrived and they are giving it to the world, right from below, as our newest father in law says.

The parties involved include Mr. Arun Sarin (AS), Mr. Ravi Ruia (RR), Mr. Li Ka Shing (Li) and Mr. Anil Ambani (AA).

RR: Welcome gentlemen. This will be a very short call. But let me explain the agenda. According to a small round of discussion that I had with Li, Mr. Sarin if you are really interested in the puppy, you would have to cough up 25 bn now.

AS: (aghast) 25?? But why? That’s absurd

AA: Let me explain.

AS, Li: Who are you? What business do you have here? You are anyways not even in the DD process and doing rounds of North Block will do you no good.

AA: Oh, that’s because the whole context of this story started with my family friend.

RR: Mr. Sarin you will pay 25 bn of which a pro rated 20 will go to Li and the rest will come to me, Analjit and Asim.

Li and AS: (in unison): But why? That’s against fair price valuations.

RR: Valuations have long gone for a toss. Anilbhai’s dear old friend, the Bhishmapitamaha of India has opened our eyes. From now on we wont tolerate injustice to our fellow Indians. We will give it back to them.

AA: Yes, this is the price you have to pay for the debilitating attitudes by your fellow countrymen to our fellow Indians. Look at Amit, donning the mantle to bring them over to the other side. Despite the no mean achievement of being the biggest ‘landlord’ of Juhu (how I envy him!), despite the numerous scrutinies he has to face for walking to temples, for knowing nuances of proposing at Bollywood premieres, for not anchoring at the hot seat more because the damned phones have proved statistics wrong [link courtesy: Youthcurry] (I need to go back to Wharton for this) and least because of his health, for walking the fine balance between wife and son to make way for “crazy kiya re” bahu and last but not the least for having all Bollywood financers hogging for him in 2007 when India is "poised" to death by boredom with his bearded face staring out at them from everywhere…. 7 films is not a matter of joke… and still he finds time to inspire his countrymen.

Li: (confused) Who and how?

AA: Oh yes. You understand quite well. This is our response to Shilpa Shetty and Mallika. I mean how can you demean our goddesses.

Li: Shilpa! Ok that’s recent but, Mallika how?

AA: You forget Jackie Chan and what you meted out in ‘Myth’ to Mallika? A miniscule role albeit a princess and an even smaller dress. And on top of that you had the audacity to release the unaudited versions for just the international audience. And this Jade babe, should be taken to the dogs.. I mean "Paki" is preposterous, you are speaking of our avtar of Catwoman , not Reena Roy. (I am proud that Tina never took a liking for cricket matches!)

AS: Hey, but I am an Indian. You remember I am a Kgpian!! I even doled out some millions for my alma mater.

RR: (chuckles) Ya, but every dog has its day and this time its my pup’s.

[Click on phone, as analysts look at each other, aghast, with the ring tone in the background.... "You and I, in this beautiful world..."]