Reservation - The Actuals

I have certain extremely reserved comments on this quota issue. The other day I was surfing through news channels when I stumbled upon two at one go. One was vociferous against the HRD minister’s ruling on the IIM admission issue and the other was ruing on the night life of Mumbai. When, my Aristotlesque mind rummaged out two words – challenge and backward and their basic usage in the context, socially challenged and socially backward.

My consultant friend was again at home watching the world cup finals with me. And I posed the same to him to which he said, “Socially backward would be those who have remained disadvantaged for no fault of theirs but because of the surroundings and environment around them. Socially challenged would be those who are so because of their own retro qualities, like coyness, being less articulate, stutters etc.”

So I begin to ponder, who exactly should these reservations go to. Is the government getting its priorities right? Is it the socially backward ones or the socially challenged ones or both which include people like, ahem, “me”.

And you might wonder. But I need to explain. Recently I had a conversation with my boss.

Boss: What do you do after work?
Me: Nothing. Just the usual.

Boss: What is that? Why do not you go and get a life?
Me: Its not available in the local grocery. I ordered some anyways, but they have not guaranteed when it will arrive. And by the look of my paycheck, I do not think I will be able to afford it.

Boss: Why do not you do something for the society?
Me: I did and every time I have done such work, the feedback I have received is my best contribution to society will be to stay away.

Boss: So how do you concentrate at work? Don’t you know all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Me: First, I am no Jack and I am no boy. Huh. Dumb fool.

So you get the point. I had all planned out for the last month. Come back from office. Slouch on the couch and watch India play. Even that plan got flustered by those nincomphoos. The reservation issue caught my attention and I understood that, this is an issue that needs immediate attention irrespective of what the HRD ministry thinks. For it is not me alone. It is the cause of hundreds of new professionals, just into office, debilitating their after-work lives in front of the idiot box.

And here are my demands, to all who want to hear, my demand for reservation.

Chilliest beer for the nerdiest guest: In all parties, the most chilled beer must go to the most uncomfortable fellow. That’s because the really smart ones are always at ease with the environment and hence get the stuff they want by hovering around their favorite bartender or slipping a few in the hands of their favored snack server. The geeky is too lackluster to understand all that. So, reserve the coldest beer for him.

Stag entries to be free: Believe it or not, stags are the true SINGADs (Single Income No Girlfriend and Desperate). Who on earth would want to go into a place, where you need to shake your body on one leg (because you do not have space to stand with two legs), amidst deafening sound termed as music and that too without a companion or more so with another loser like him.

Page 3A: Journos reserve Page 3 for the social celebrities. The ones who are always at the right place at the right time. I demand a Page 3A, for which conduct a survey and ask people who ought to have a social life where they had been at midnights of the past year. If the answer is in bed with your pillow (and highlight the really snazzy days, like new years eve, diwali etc.) then please dedicate a small section for him. Believe me, after you die you will land straight in heaven. Mere duwayein aise nahi jayega (My blessings will not go in vain.)

And last but not the least, please help such people around. They need help. Do not look down upon them. Escalate their cause, for their own cause. Their today might be your tomorrow.

If you have some more suggestions have them pouring in.