Psychoanalysis - U/A

From the times blogging made its presence on the face of this earth, bloggers have often camouflaged their alter ego against a non descript character, a character whom they can mock or cringe at, the character who they aspire to be or despise, a character with or without a name who often utters those lines which the author would have thought could have come from his own keyboard if he never had to go out to meet friends, go to work or even go into public lavatories where the separations are really low.

More often than not I have this consultant friend of mine who makes me feel lighter by his sheer voraciousness of anything liquid, who gives intelligent suggestions and who I often fall upon for support, curd rice (gult kahin ka!!) or esoteric confessions (remember my Orkut post!). Till last Sunday, I saw him as really my alter ego, until he broke that myth for ever for in that inebriated trance he related a new theory on the sands of a Mumbai beach, garnished with bhel and the deathly drones of traffic as the icing. Despite his consulting disclaimers if really the academicians are attentive, this might well find itself as the new theory of psychoanalysis in organization behavior text books and could well be the mantra of the next generation of HR managers. For the gult has finally decoded Maslow with a theory of his own. To his benefit my contribution in putting this down (and might be a commission on whatever prize he goes on to earn in his life) is may be the refinement that I have brought up in the paraphrase, where numerous interjections in his inebriated mumble or slur has been excruciatingly censored, since this goes for consumption of family people. The result might be more academic, rather but I have endeavored to capture the entertainment as best as I can.

“The lifecycle of man (other than just his anatomical development, for there lies his difference from say a mulberry moth), as described by Maslow can be categorized into the Pyramid of Needs. The broadest and the basest needs of man obviously start from the physiological requirements which include air, food, water, sleep, excretion etc. When these of his needs are satisfied, he promotes himself for the fulfillment of his safety needs which include the security of his body, his employment, resources, morality, property etc. When such needs are relatively satiated he indulges in the satisfaction of his love and belonging which includes friendship, family and intimacy after which comes the stage for fulfillment of his esteem which includes confidence, achievement, respect of / by others. All these needs qualify as the Deficiency needs. When such Deficiency needs are relatively satisfied man looks for fulfillment of self actualization which includes morality, creativity, problem solving, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts and figures.

It is here that most of people like us feel a mid life crisis. As an instance look at any standard job description and that you are sure to find these as essential qualities in any deserving candidate. If really we could find such employees who strove to fulfill these needs, given that his Deficiency needs are relatively satiated, it would mean there would not be ever any discord between employer and employee and hence no retrenchment or attrition and hence no HR managers especially in super skilled professions like consulting. (I told you, he loves it.) But that is not so and hence the hierarchy of needs should be reversed and governed by an almanac of expletives.
Consider this, when we were in our kindergartens and had still not started wearing underwears (Gult says they are really costly), we would have tears pouring down our cheeks at the mention of being a ‘bad boy’. The stigma remained for quite some time to the point that if the blemish had come from the teacher in front of the entire class, it remained a blot to the point of what happened to Aishwarya Rai in Humare Dil Apke Pass Hai before Anil Kapoor comes to her rescue.

As man grows, he becomes all the more thick skinned. His adolescent years till his pre college days are often in that mode of learning when he learns more and more of abuses as a defensive mechanism, as mode of survival, as media that would help him tide over harsh times, to vent frustration or exhaustion. He graduates himself from being hurt at “innocuous” ones to hurling deadly and more innovative expletives himself. The transgression is smooth, the learning curve is steep and at the end of his graduate education some of the slurs come to the point of being endearing or are used as part of speech or as salutations or for even base needs or may be just for nothing! The learning phase has its upheavals. I remember having been invited with some of our classmates at one of their home for a sumptuous lunch. One of the dish being extremely hot, the mark of exclamation turned out, as you intelligent readers expect leading to some embarrassment in the household, to which we admit, we did not have then in bucketfuls.

This is the stage that man slowly continues to enter his mid life, the longest in term of years. Here the learning curve is relatively flatter. To people whom he considers friends, he continues to be known by the common slang that has been used on him for years. (Pondy as he is called from his undergrad days has lost his identity long back, his slang nickname still echoes in many B school dorms!). It is with this coterie of comrades that he feels comfortable at home and at ease.
Post marriage, things change remarkably. As far as I can recollect, I just have one friend whose post marital fights include incestual slander (readers judgement!). The curve bends downward and the psychoanalytic behavior is more and more adulterated by sobreness. To add illustrations to the axioms let us see the impact on the sporting field. Today Sachin had a beamer at 140 kph from Brett Lee right on his collar bone and that too when he was at 98 (talking of dogged collars and sensitive elbows eh!) to which his response was “No problem!” A few days back a younger Harbhajan had summoned Symonds and reminded him of his illustrious heritage at the flicker of an instigation. Age does adulterate.

As man grows old he turns to be more a mirror self of his childhood although the reasons are different. His ego often takes the better of him so much so that often blatant statements, to which a few years back he would turn a deaf year, sound deafening and insulting to him. Statistically speaking it would often be a bell shaped curve.”

I have asked my friend to jargonize the theory and to make it more academic. In the meantime for readers this is a sneak peek and I don’t mind the price of ethanol I bore for this gem. But do not try a Anu Malik, for, these days, my friend has been busily consulting in the lines of IPR.